In a way, what I am talking about is hope.  There are things in our lives (I think essentially everyone's life) that we really aren't sure we are capable of doing.  Some people don't think they are capable of following Jesus at all.  They walk away, some of them simply out of a self-doubt that they can actually achieve the spirituality the word Christian implies.  Some people feel bound by addictions, drugs, alcohol, cigs, in many guy's cases an addiction to sexual sin--pornography, lust, masturbation.  Some Christians are bound by their thoughts that really incredible movings of God happen to other people, "not ordinary me."  Sure, many people believe it is possible to shake these things, but in the quiet part of their minds, in the isolated moments of temptation, most people look the thing they think has them bound in the eye and simply bow their heads in submission.  In the end, we tend to find that we didn't really believe what we said we did.

                                                                                

This despair is so deep seated in the hearts of believers today that most of them (even, and maybe especially, those who won't admit it) feel completely defeated by it.  We have fought that same battle so many times our faith is completely gone.  I can honestly say that for many years I have fought a fight that I openly and (maybe) courageously proffessed to believe I could beat, while in my quiet moments, in a feeling that I almost couldn't ever even admit was there, I did not.  I am one of a faceless mass of humanity that knows this is true.

 

Anyway, back in my story, this last sunday, the preacher mentioned in passing the story in John 6 of Jesus feeding the 5000.  I encourage you to stop and read it right now if you don't already know the words by heart.  Essentially what happens is that there is a boy with five loaves of bread and two fish, and Jesus asks (in a roundabout way) for him to feed 5000 men (that isn't counting women and children).  I can imagine being the little boy, staring at Jesus and wondering if he could possibly be serious, thinking that if I gave Jesus my bread and fish not only would it not feed everyone there, but I wouldn't get anything.  Five loaves of bread and two fish won't feed everybody, but it will sure feed me!  The upshot of the story is that the little boy does in fact give Jesus the five loaves of bread and two fish, Jesus prays, breaks the pieces of bread, and uses those five loaves of bread and two fish to feed everyone there, and gathers twelve baskets of bread besides.

                                             

I am this little boy.  I feel that I cannot possibly conquer the impossible odds that stack up against me, and this feeling gains an amazing amount of weight because I am completely RIGHT!  I have 5000 hungry men, two fish and five loaves of bread; and here comes Jesus asking, or maybe demanding that I give the two fish and five loaves of bread to him.  I can't feed everybody.

 

but Jesus can.

 

Ultimately, more than just knowing my food can't feed 5000, I lack faith.  I am convinced that Hell is full of people who would gladly feed 5000 people with 5000 loaves of bread.

 

That is the crux of the supernatural, Jesus requires of us five loaves of bread and a little faith, and He will feed 5000 people.  I'm curious what would have happened that day if the little boy took his food and ate it.  I suspect nothing.

 

So this is my new conviction---to always be the person willing to give up my two loaves of bread.  I know I can't answer the call God has placed on my life.  I have more chance of feeding 5000 out of 5 loaves of bread (they could be really big loaves).  but I know that I need to give him, that I want to give him, that I owe him, at least my five loaves of bread and two fish. 

 

Think about it.